My boys are now 3 months old. They are healthy and beautiful and the most precious gifts I could have ever received. So, why can’t I fully relax and just focus on all the wonderful things in my life?
This journey to complete my family has always been a struggle. It has cost me physically, emotionally, mentally and at times made me question my faith. So, when I look back at this past year and revisit my healthy pregnancy, my textbook delivery and the incredible birth of two, strong baby boys…I can’t help but wonder when the other shoe will drop. It’s a horrible feeling and I wish I could shake it, but I feel like all of this is too good to be true. How could I get so lucky? First of all, I got pregnant with TWINS!!!! How incredible is that?! That in itself is a giant miracle. Then, I was able to carry them full term with no complications. My delivery, happened a little earlier than expected, but was a textbook cesarean. The best part, Sawyer weighed in at 5 lbs 2.7 ounces and Walker weighed in at 5 lbs 7.5 ounces. Both boys came out kicking and screaming and did not require any special care. I delivered on a Tuesday and all 3 of us were discharged on Thursday. I didn’t have to spend even a second away from my babies. Since their births, they have had excellent doctor’s visits and are growing and gaining like champs. With that said, I should have no reason to believe that I have anything but happy, healthy baby boys. All of that, though, does not stop me from questioning every teeny, tiny little thing on the boys. I felt a little bump on the back of Sawyer’s head and my mind instantly goes to the worse possible conclusion…turns out it’s just lymph nodes (totally normal). Walker’s belly button looked dark and I immediately believed something wasn’t healing right and that there was something wrong…turns out I’m just not familiar with what an “outie” belly button looks like. I can’t tell you how often I rub their heads and question if I felt a lump or any unevenness. I’m turning into the biggest hypochondriac in the world for no valid reason at all.
My New Year’s resolution is to relax and accept the fact that I have been blessed and just allow myself to be happy. I don’t need to question why I was burdened with infertility or why I was chosen to be the momma to these beautiful children. I don’t need answers to those questions anymore. All I need, are tight squeezes from Poppi, gummy grins from the boys and that reassuring look from Trav that “we got this”.
So, good-bye “other shoe”. I have no idea where you are or if you’ll ever drop and I’m going to stop worrying about your existence. The only shoes I’ll be focusing on, are the ones that I pick up off the floor that belong to my little army of tiny humans.
This journey to complete my family has always been a struggle. It has cost me physically, emotionally, mentally and at times made me question my faith. So, when I look back at this past year and revisit my healthy pregnancy, my textbook delivery and the incredible birth of two, strong baby boys…I can’t help but wonder when the other shoe will drop. It’s a horrible feeling and I wish I could shake it, but I feel like all of this is too good to be true. How could I get so lucky? First of all, I got pregnant with TWINS!!!! How incredible is that?! That in itself is a giant miracle. Then, I was able to carry them full term with no complications. My delivery, happened a little earlier than expected, but was a textbook cesarean. The best part, Sawyer weighed in at 5 lbs 2.7 ounces and Walker weighed in at 5 lbs 7.5 ounces. Both boys came out kicking and screaming and did not require any special care. I delivered on a Tuesday and all 3 of us were discharged on Thursday. I didn’t have to spend even a second away from my babies. Since their births, they have had excellent doctor’s visits and are growing and gaining like champs. With that said, I should have no reason to believe that I have anything but happy, healthy baby boys. All of that, though, does not stop me from questioning every teeny, tiny little thing on the boys. I felt a little bump on the back of Sawyer’s head and my mind instantly goes to the worse possible conclusion…turns out it’s just lymph nodes (totally normal). Walker’s belly button looked dark and I immediately believed something wasn’t healing right and that there was something wrong…turns out I’m just not familiar with what an “outie” belly button looks like. I can’t tell you how often I rub their heads and question if I felt a lump or any unevenness. I’m turning into the biggest hypochondriac in the world for no valid reason at all.
My New Year’s resolution is to relax and accept the fact that I have been blessed and just allow myself to be happy. I don’t need to question why I was burdened with infertility or why I was chosen to be the momma to these beautiful children. I don’t need answers to those questions anymore. All I need, are tight squeezes from Poppi, gummy grins from the boys and that reassuring look from Trav that “we got this”.
So, good-bye “other shoe”. I have no idea where you are or if you’ll ever drop and I’m going to stop worrying about your existence. The only shoes I’ll be focusing on, are the ones that I pick up off the floor that belong to my little army of tiny humans.